A Serious Case of "The Mondays"

I used to be a gung-ho worker. I liked Mondays because I relaxed all weekend, organized my house and was looking forward to going to work to socialize again (I usually spent my weekends alone because I’m such a winner).

Ever since Brian came into my life and especially since Mary was born and I went back to work – Monday mornings are little tough. To be quite frank, they suck. I just spent wonderful time with my little family, and now I have to leave them to drive an hour and sit in a grey cube where I stare at spreadsheets all day. Please don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate having a job and I work for a fantastic company, but I miss my baby.

The photo above is on my sun visor. It’s when she was two months old and was just starting to smile. It breaks and strengthens my heart at the same time when I see it on my way to work. I hate it because I’m leaving her, but I realize why I need to go and do my best at work; so she can have food in her little belly, shoes to pull off her little feet and see a great example of a hard-working parent.

It still sucks though.

Mother's Poem

The cooking and cleaning will wait until tomorrow

For babies grow up, I've learned with great sorrow

So settle down cobwebs - and the dust can just sleep

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep

I heard that poem through one of my mommy groups. As I have posted earlier, I don't get to see Mary a lot during the week so bedtime is a time I cherish. There is nothing so close and intimate as rocking and nursing my baby girl to sleep. Her entire body used to be as long as I am wide, and now she wraps around me and reaches her soft, little hand up to touch my cheek. I stay rocking her for several minutes after she falls asleep. I take as many mental pictures as I can and I breathe in her baby-smell because I know someday I will wish I could hold her like this again.

For 9.5 months, I put Mary to sleep every night. While Brian puts her down for naps during the day, one night last week, he put her down for the night. I was so proud and happy because I may need to travel for business soon and to know Mary will let her daddy put her to sleep at night gives me peace of mind...At the same time, it hurt a little. As if it was just one little step for my baby girl not needing her mommy any more.

It is a time when everyone is talking about what they are thankful for and for me, it is this time I rock Mary to sleep. I know of too many mommies whose babies were called to heaven and it seems the one thing they wish for is to rock their babies again. I am so thankful to have a healthy little family. Until there was Mary, I didn't know how important family was and I realize now I was concerned with all the wrong things. We may need a new roof, new chimney, new kitchen, new garage...it's just stuff, it's only money. Family is the big picture.

What would Andy say...?

I work in a long row of Cubes with some mildly obnoxious people who like to talk over the walls. The thing is they don’t usually stand up to face one another to talk over the walls, they just sit in their chairs and yell at one another over the walls. Their conversations are usually not funny, but they find themselves hilarious.

Thankfully, and I wear headphones to drown out their conversations.

A few weeks ago when Andy Rooney died there were some poor impersonations of him being bantered about. When one of the younger (and really loud) women proudly stated that she had no idea who Andy Rooney was. This caught my attention and I took my headphones off.

How can you not know who Andy Rooney is? Did your parents never watch 60 minutes as you grew up? Did you just gloss over and dismiss any Saturday Night Live impression as unique character with big eyebrows? And I suppose it’s not so much that she didn’t know who Andy Rooney is/was, but that she was a little cocky about it. However I’m sure she could name all the idiots on Jersey Shore or in the Kardashian Klan…

The more I’ve been thinking about it, the more frustrated I get. What do I have to do so that my daughter grows up knowing who Andy Rooney is. How do I make her aware of things that came before her, aware of things outside her immediate world…I want her to know that Jimmy Stewart was in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. I want her to know that the movie “Footloose” was not made in 2011. To let her know that she had two great-grandfathers who were a part of history in WWII.

What do I need to do so that when she is the young lady in the office, no one thinks of her as the young ego-centric one. Funny thing is, I bet Andy Rooney would have something profound to say about this…

Mary Swings

Harvest Gold

Fall color is in full swing and almost over. When I drive to work the sun is rising over dried cornfields, the leaves are bright orange and there is a glisten on everything from the frost - I realize this is where the color Harvest Gold came from. Not a great color for kitchen appliances - but nice when found in nature.

I'm finding that our house is looking good in all seasons. The tree out front was bright yellow last week - this week it is bare and the maples in the back are starting to turn. It makes me excited to think of how nice it will look in Christmas lights :) Brian already has plans.

Mary had a great first Halloween. She was a flower (a sweet Leilani) - I was really surprised that she kept the costume on and didn't pull at the petals, I guess she likes dress up. 

Brian had the house all decked out with candles in each window and on the screen porch. We had SEVEN pumpkins scary and happy - it was really a lot of fun. Unfortunately we didn't have as many trick or treaters as we would at our old neighborhood in California, but I think Brian will take care of all the left over candy - he should be done sometime around Christmas.

The change of season is pretty obvious now. I have to use an ice scraper on my car in the morning and I heard Brian talking on the phone to his mom the other day "Yeah, yesterday morning it was well below freezing." I said, "no it wasn't" he replied, "Yes it was 27 degrees!" - Soon he'll realize that it will get much, much more below freezing than that...He has long underwear...he'll be fine :)

143

Brian and I got into a bickering match yesterday morning before I left for work…it was about curtains. As soon as I walked out the door, I think we both realized how dumb it was. While I was gone Brian primered the landing to the basement where he has been re-storing the walls. He put  paper down as a drop cloth – I came home and this was what I saw.

It made me smile – I especially like that the heart has a buzz cut.

This morning he and Mary were still sleeping when I left -  I made this sign for him to see when he walked in the kitchen.

143 means “I love you” – it is the number of letters in each word. My grandparents used to use this a lot, their license plate was the Roman Numeral version “I IV III”. Brian and I sign off a lot of notes or text messages as 143, he has a money clip with it engraved in it, too...somewhere.

I shared this with a friend of mine several years ago and she snickered and said “Well it’s the same numbers in “I Hate You” too.” Well, maybe in your family it means “I hate you” but in mine, it means “I love you.”

8 Months!

8 months ago today, Dr. Cole put the cutest, tiniest little baby on my chest. It's amazing how far we have come in 8 months, it's exciting to think what the next 8 will bring. I'm so proud, I feel like I should be wearing a button with Mary's picture on it.

Brian took the picture above when they were at the park. he took it on his phone and sent it to me while I was at work - I love how she seems so laid back here, just chilin', watching the other kids play. I am told she loves to swing, but I haven't been able to see it yet in person. During the week I get to see her for about a half hour in the morning when we get to nurse and for about an hour at night before she goes to bed. During the day Brian is such an amazing Daddy - I hear all the stories of the games they play and how they "swim" around the house. When I come home she has a big smile for me and she reaches out so I'll hold her - I love that. So all trips to the park are missed, but thank goodness I get to see what she is doing during the day via phone technology. I remember thinking how dumb it was to have a camera on a phone when it first came out...now I get it!

I love you Mary!