End of August - HOORAY!

It's the last day of August - that means two things:

Happy Birthday Megan Jane

1) This beautiful girl (my neice) is 17 years old. Sweet Meggie, you are beautiful inside and out and have talent to boot. I have had a good time watching you grow into a solid citizen (as Nina would say) the past 17 years.

2) It's FINALLY September! Back in July I wrote how it was such a brutal,hot, drought-ridden summer that I couldn't wait for September. Of course today it's 95*, but hopefully the end to this miserable weather is coming.

On to a great Labor Day

Pure Joy

This is what Pure Joy looks like.

When was the last time we got this excited and happy over anything so simple. Bubbles. Why and when did life get so serious? Oh, sweet Mary, you have taught me so much about life. I love that I have you as a constant little reminder in my house and in pictures on my desk to keep life light. Give hugs and kisses. Smile at strangers. Dance with bubbles. 

The Jasper House

This is our sweet house on Jasper Ave in Ventura, CA when we lived there:

House Before

We moved here from our condo, so Brian was so excited to have a lawn and garden to get his "Dirt Therapy". We moved in 4 months before we got married and when we moved out, we had a seven-month-old baby. A lot happen in this house. Even though I love our storybook cottage now, I can honestly miss this house; great neighbors, great floorplan, great location and friends very nearby.
Despite being renters, we took pride in this house. Mowed, edged, put up Christmas lights (and took them down!). I remember one time when we had Mary in her stoller and Brian and I were sweeping the driveway. An older woman walked by and asked "Are you buying or selling?" - I thought it was funny that she thought we would have to be in the midst of a real estate transaction in order to clean up our house. Nope, we're just good renters.

It was sad to pack up and leave. I remember when it was totally empty - Brian had just pulled away in the moving truck and Mary and I were left there with our suitcases.

I wandered from room to room with Mary, reluctant to lock the door for the last time - I can still close my eyes and see how the furniture was set up, hear the parties we had and the impromptu dinners with dear friends that always ended with a glass of wine on the patio around the fire bowl.

Some of my friends were interested in renting this house when we left, and I directed them to the management company, but sadly, the owners are now letting it go into foreclosure.

So our sweet little house sits empty.

Dear friend Landon was walking their new dog by the house and sent me a picture - I almost wish he hadn't.

House After

Our best guess is someone from the apartments across the street wanted to unload some furniture - so they chose the house that is obviously empty on the street.
Eventually, someone is going to get a great deal on this house. I can only hope it's a couple who will be able to grow their family there and feel the warm spirit of the happy times that occured under this roof. Hopefully they will have many happy times there, too.

Phone Pictures

With my new job came a new phone so I had to get rid of my old phone. The old phone was a company phone and I remember it arrived on my doorstep at the exact same time I was rushing home from the office to pack my hospital bag to go have Mary. So a lot of the pictures in it were from when she was brand new.

I have always been indifferent about phones on cameras - I mean really, it's a phone why does it need to take pictures. But then I went back to work after having Mary. When you first go back to work you are so worried how your baby will be without you around her - you have to realize that for 9 months in a tummy, then for 4 months after, it was Me and Mary, together every minute. To separate is incredible anxiety...for me. Caylin our super-nanny would send me pictures during the day and I could see what my little nut was doing right then. It was huge peace of mind that let me better focus on my work day.

So these pictues don't go the the cyber wasteland, I wanted to post them here so we will always have them. Enjoy!


Mary about 3-4 weeks old, she spent much of her day swaddled in her little rocker. our house was so cold and she was so small, I was always worried if she was warm enough.

This looks like a special lens was used, but her eyes were really that big, I love the little expression here

We had a lot of visits to the Doctor until Mary got her weight up and milk allergy under control. I wrapped her in this fuzzy blanket while we were waiting for the doctor to come in and took this picture to give Brian an update

I think this is the first picture I got from Caylin, she was sitting up for a long time in her Bumbo, She really seemed to like the independence she felt sitting up and not being held.

It's dark, but one of my favorites from Caylin, She is all swaddled up and getting ready for a nap. She looks so content, I love her rosy cheeks.

This is another from Caylin when Mary was starting to sit up on her own. I bet it was hard for her to do with those cheeks!

I remember we were playing before bedtime, she was in such a good mood. This is the time when Cortney was texting me every hour to see "what are you doing now?" so i took this picture to send to her.

This is when Brian and I visited Crystal Lake before we moved. I took this picture to send back to Caylin. It's such a bright, sunny, happy picture - I had to keep it.

Rough Week

I had a rough week, there are no two ways about it. When I would go to outrigger practice and it was not a good run; we didn't blend, I didn't find a rhythm, or my "Oomph" to get through strong, I would always tell my self, "Okay we got the bad practice out of the way. It's over. The next one will only go up from here."

There is no one thing that made me have a rough week, and note: I don't want to say I had a bad week. I'm very careful about those things. I really don't have any big problems, our life is very blessed...but even so there are a lot of responsibilities and demands that I have outside and that I put on myself.

At work, I was covering for two people who were out of the office. I'm still new and getting used to things and it seemed everything was a priority and due right then. At these times, I take a deep breath and tell myself, "I will live through this." I don't work in a coal mine or a battle field, I work at a Pharmaceutical Ad Agency...While our work may be affecting other's lives with their meds, no one will live/die if this brochure doesn't make it to the printer today. Please understand, that doesn't mean I just sit back and scan facebook at work thinking, "Oh, it will get done eventually..." but it helps my blood pressure.

At home, I have been feeling like a bad mom. I try with all I have to put Mary to sleep gracefully, I think having to cry yourself to sleep is an awful way to have to end a day for both of us. So I stand and rub her back until she is sleeping. Sometimes it works and sometimes, she wakes as I walk out the door and will cry. She is getting in some molars and going through a growth spurt, so I'm trying to be gentle with her, but one night it took an hour and a half of stories, elmo, and rubbing her back to get her to sleep and she was still crying...so was I. Finally Brian came in, held her and rubbed her back and she was quiet. Was I doing something wrong? Am I not home so much that now she wants Daddy to put her to sleep and not me? I let my mind go to the dark side.

Yesterday morning, I got very frustrated with Brian over something very stupid...So I did something I have been meaning to do for months. I went for a run. I did the 5k route in our neighborhood and impressed myself with how much of it I was able to run. When I told Brian how much I ran, he said, "Wow, you should get mad at me more often."

It's all about balance and, as I have posted before, we are all doing the best we can. We lived. We still have problems that a lot of other families wished they had.

We got that bad week out of the way. It's over. The next week can only be better.

Ruby's Angel Week

My Ruby Jane wristband - It reminds me to keep perspective and to give Mary lots of hugs and kisses

For those who have been keeping up on this blog since the start, you know that I started it for two reasons. One; so everyone back in California could keep up on our goings-on and - Two; I was so touched by a blog that Ani Taylor kept during her daughter Ruby Jane's illness, she has such beautiful thoughts, that I was inspired to put myself out there, too.

This week is Ruby's "Angel Week." She went to heaven when she was seven months and one week old and on Mary's six-month birthday. In honor of her "Angel Week" her mom is having a special "to-do" list each day.

Sunday was Day 1: "Talk to About Being an Organ Donor." - It's a tough conversation to have with some people and Brian and I have even discussed how, our family will give the gift of life if the unthinkable ever happens...(God forbid, please!)

Yesterday was Day 2: "Family Day" - And do something special to express your love and appreciation for your family. I personally am a day late and left a weepy message for Brian today.

Today is Day 3: "Share Ruby's Story" - This beautiful video was made at the beginning of the year about Ruby's story - It really is nice and I hope you take the time to watch it.

Dear Mary,

My, my you are a little character. I just love seeing your personality emerge. Talking running, dancing playing - eating anything but veggies (I hide them in your food sometimes)You and Daddy now love to go to Monkey Joe's. It's been a super-hot summer, so he has had to think of creative ways to keep cool. 

Every Tuesday during summer we go to the Main Beach for a concert and picnic dinner. We meet Marmee and Grampy, and some of their friends there. You spin and stomp, and eat a ton of fruit! It's going to be sad when the concerts are done at the end of this month!

Aunt Cortney, Uncle Ken, Meg and Zoe were in town - Cortney was trying soooo hard to be your buddy all week, you were resistant at first, but then you loved showing her your books and playing with her. Above is a picture of the night before Cortney and Ken went back home. You and Cortney were rough-housing when Marmee was trying to go to bed, you were so wound up, you didn't go to bed until 10:30p. You also had a lot of fun playing with Meg and Zoe. You LOVE being around big girls. When you spend the day with Marmee on Thursday, she let you go up in their room to wake them up. You climbed up on their beds and played with their stuffed animals and looked at all of Zoe's pretty things. It was fun to see how they acted toward you - they were really great with you. One night, you offered Meg a pretzel that you had been holding in your hand for a while. She put it in her mouth and said, "Oh, that's all spitty, but you're my cousin, so okay"- It really warmed my heart that Meg ate your soggy pretzel :)

This is a day at Main Beach, I was playing in the sand with you and then you just walked straight out into the water in your clothes. You and Daddy are both water babies, I joke that you inherited his gills. You have been a little fuss-monster lately. I couldn't tell why, and then I see that you have a ton of new teeth in your mouth. Poor baby, you are in pain! But I'm happy the teeth are coming in, a lot of other little ones your age have a lot more teeth thank you do, and we have a lot of foods to try. Chew! Chew!

Just a quick update for you today, You and I are off to do errands right now.

I love you, Mary.

Love, Mommy