Dear Mary,

You are over a year old now, and since you may not remember this time too well, I wanted to update you on what you are up to.

You are walking like a champ, singing and learning new words every day,it's almost hard for me to keep up with you. You spend time with Marmee every week and she says that each time she sees you she notices progress you make.

Your favorite song right now is one you learned with your dad at music class, "Me, me, meeee, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." and you point to your self, then you point to the other person, "You, you, you-you-you-you-you-you" then we hug, "We, we, we-we-we-we-we" Last night, you were so tired - I was about to lie you down in your crib and you started pointing to yourself, "Me, me, me"...No sweetheart, I said, It's not time to sing right now, it's time to dream about the angels. There is just no stopping you. :)

You and Grampy singing "Me, You, We"

On TV, you seem to be over your first love, "Wonder Pets", you still get a kick out of the weird creatures on "Yo Gabba Gabba", but you are now in love with Elmo. You have seen a few Sesame Street Episodes and we have one Elmo Singalong DVD and I guess that's all it took. We were at Target and you saw a little Elmo in the toy aisle, I handed him to you, you hugged him and I knew you had to have him. You walk around the house holding him doing your rendition of "Laa, Laa, La-la...Laa, Laa, la-la Elmo's World". Did they teach you that in the "How to be a cute baby" course you take in heaven before you are born?

You and your new buddy Elmo

You love jewelry. If you find one of my bracelets you put it on your wrist and hold up your hand. You got some plastic bracelets as a party favor and you think they are the most fantastic thing. I don't wear a lot of jewelry, but I got out my jewelry box and you just loved going through all the necklaces and pearls - we put everything on at once and looked in the mirror - AH! how beautiful you are.

So PRETTY!

You love trees and being outside. You get this from your Daddy. I took you to the beach over the weekend and I felt like you could have stayed there all day watching the birds, filling up the bucket with sand, and looking at the trees. What fun we had.

Pat-pat Tree

You have new words everyday. Now you are big on "HOT" - I'm teaching you not to touch the oven, but now you are able to connect that our cups of coffee are "HOT" (or "OT" as you say), you also say "Duck", "Woof" "Pretty" a rendition of "Toast", but I consider your first word to be "HIiiiiiiii" - you used that word first in context. We would go to get you from your nap, you would be standing in your crib and as soon as we walk in you say "Hiiiiiiiiii"

You used to be such a good eater of veggies, but ever since you got to eat Annie's Bunny Crackers, any veggie was cast on the floor. I still try though - and this week you at a bunch of sweet potatoes because you thought it was fun to feed yourself with a spoon. You tried blueberries this week and that is your new favorite breakfast treat.

Sometimes when you wake up from a nap, you just hang out in your crib for a while and talk to your bunny or dangle your blankets outside the rail. Daddy and I watch you on your monitor and we think it is the best show ever.

I wish I could stay home with you everyday...but I can't. Luckily, your Daddy can. While I am happy for it, I will admit, I'm so jealous of him and the relationship the two of you have. You are so happy to see me when I come home, but I realized the other day that I had seen you a total of 2.5hours in the past two days...And that makes me sad.

I suppose now you are officially a toddler. Where did my baby go? She was cute and cuddly and would sleep next to me at night in her rocker so I could hear her breathe...I miss that baby, but I am so excited for the little girl that is emerging - she is going to say funny things, draw fantastic pictures, wear bows in her hair, and is already good at giving hugs. I love hugs.

Do you know how much I love you? I can tell you now that you don't - it would be impossible for me to express the words of how my heart bursts with love for you. That is something that no one tells you about becoming a parent....there are no words to express the love. People try, poets try, songwriters and scriptwriters all try...but no one can do it.

I love you sweet girl,

*HUG*
Mom

Breastfeeding and "El Diablo"

Meet "El Diablo"

Bryan "El Diablo" and "my" Brian Memorial Day 2010

His real name is Bryan (this is a different Bryan from "my" Brian). I'm not sure when/where he earned the nickname "El Diablo", but I always hear tales from when he and "my" Brian were neighbors and eventually roommates down at "the Strand". Many of the stories involved both of them having one too many beers, getting in fights, and one occurrence where one of them took a ride on the hood of a car. This is when these boys were in their late 20's/early 30's.

El Diablo got married long before I even met my Brian. He and his wife (who I adore) had two little mini Diablos (they are really good boys, but they are a lot like their daddy). However, even though he settled down, he could never shake the "El Diablo" nickname. When Brian and I got married and eventually pregnant, El Diablo and his wife were right there with us. We consider them good friends.

When I was 6 months pregnant another friend of ours got married. At the wedding, I watched everyone lift a glass in the champagne toast and I had Sprite. One thing about being pregnant at events like this is getting into conversations with people who have had a few. At this wedding, El Diablo and I started talking, he was interested in how I was feeling, the general chit-chat questions that come with being pregnant. And then he said it:

"You know you have to breastfeed."

I have to admit, I was taken aback. Well, yes, I plan to, but I’m just trying to be open to everything either working or not working. "No, you have to breastfeed for at least a year." He continued to tell me statistics about how breastfed babies are healthier, have fewer allergies throughout their life, etc, etc. I listened, he had lots of good points...but all the while, I'm thinking....but you're El Diablo.

But he got my wheels turning. Okay, I'll have a one-year goal, but again, I want to be open if things don't work so I don't feel like a failure. After Mary was born, It was a tough couple weeks. She didn't get it, I didn't get it - I remember our third night home, in the kitchen at 3am, she was screaming, starving and I was trying to feed her with a tiny little syringe full of breastmilk because I couldn't get her to latch. She was just under 5lbs when we brought her home and it was our only purpose in life at that moment to get some weight on this baby. It is exhausting.

The hospital sends you home with a lot of free formula, so I can imagine how at 3am many parents would think, "Oh, just give her a bottle". Luckily, the hospital also sent me home with a breastfeeding book that I read through and through and helped me to understand this was all normal and so I stuck with it. If I weren't a "reader" I have a feeling I would have tossed that book aside and picked up the free formula.

We eventually got it, and from there on out it was smooth sailing. I also entered into a wonderful "sisterhood" of other breastfeeding mothers. We met once a week at a free class through the hospital (every hospital should offer this) and then online through a private Facebook group where we could ask any question - breastfeeding related or not. This group made it normal to breastfeed - normal to pump at work and it constantly reinforced that we were giving our baby what was best. I wish every new mother could have this resource.

We had some challenges - Mary became intolerant to dairy, so I went off dairy. I went back to work and she went through a phase where she didn’t like bottles. She went through a phase that she was up 5x/night and the only thing that would calm her was nursing, while I was tired, I was really thankful to be breastfeeding then. Again, if I didn't think any of thie were normal...I would have given up.

Through all of this I stuck with it because:
1) I’m cheap: And formula is expensive. Why would I spend money on something when I can make it for free and it’s better. (This is the same reason I have long hair - I don’t want to pay for a haircut)

2) It’s convenient: No need to think about bottles, or water when leaving the house I’ve got my boobs with me at all times

3) Because this is my baby: And I will go to the end of the Earth for her if it means it will be good for her

4) "The Sisterhood": Thank you Community Memorial Hospital of Ventura for introducing me to this group. Again, this group they made it normal to be doing this. When Mary was 3 months some one asked me “You’re still breastfeeding?! YES, and I say the same thing today.

5) El Diablo: I have him to thank for kicking this whole thing off....Thanks Bryan. For being the first to make it normal to talk about.

While I'm writing this I'm thinking to myself, I don't want to use this site as a soapbox, a place to preach. But this subject is near and dear to my heart and I truly believe that as a society we can do a better job making breastfeeding the normal thing to do.

So the next time you see a woman breastfeeding somewhere remember, it's a normal, natural thing...and tell her "Good job, Mama". I know she would appreciate it.

Springtime!!!

I forgot how fantastic springtime is in the mid-west. The air just seems so clean. We don't have screens on yet, but I don't care, we have every window open that isn't painted shut.

Mary is getting quite good at walking now and just loves being outside. I came home from work this week to her little dirty knees. She now looks like a little kid instead of a baby

Then we walked around the yard and gave all the trees a "pat-pat" - another favorite pastime for Mary.

St. Patrick's Day was GORGEOUS, so Mary and I walked up the street to the Main Beach - We played on the swings and brought our new sand toys. I'm pretty sure this was Mary's first time playing in the sand. Yes, she took a big bite of it and decided that it's not food. I loved watching Mary play on the same beach that I played on growing up.

The Songs We Sing - Sweet Leilani

Mary's middle name is Leilani - Hawaiian for Heavenly Flower. We really wanted to give her a Hawaiian middle name to honor the culture that is such a big part of our lives (and the whole reason we met!). Mary is such a miracle baby we thought the description of Heavenly Flower was appropriate. I imagine when she is in Jr. High, she will hate the name Mary and want to be called Leilani - I also envision little hearts over the "i"s in her signature...girls just do that kind of stuff.

My grandparents were big fans of Andy Williams Hawaiian album (the name of it escapes me as I write this).  I remember his version of "Sweet Leilani" playing when I visited their house and we played it at both of their memorial services when we spread their ashes at sea.  Another reason I really liked the name for our little girl.

I sing it quite a bit to her, but tonight I sang it as I was rocking her to sleep. This song is so appropriate for us, like it was written for my little family, my little teeny wahine.

Sweet Leilani

Sweet Leilani, Heavenly Flower

I dream of paradise for you

You are my paradise completely

You are my dream come true

Sweet Leilani, Heavenly Flower

Tropic skies are jealous when they shine

I think they're jealous of your blue eyes

Jealous because you're mine

Sweet Leilani, Heavenly Flower

Nature fashioned roses kissed with dew

And then she placed them in a bower

It was the start of you

To Pop

March 8th marked 10 years since we lost our Pop. My mom's dad. He was famous in our family for many reasons; no tupperware or knives in the dishwasher; putting a pat of butter on his plate, salting it and then eating it bit by bit; hot tub naked-ness - just to name a few. But the biggie was tequila shooters.

Shots of tequila were common when we would all get together. I've heard stories about how Pop took my sister and brother to Tijuana and showed them how to do shooters before they were old enough to drink (they didn't do the shooters, they just observed...I think). And on his 70th birthday we all gathered around and he showed us as a family how it's done.

Last night, in celebration of J. Frank Todd, we had a toast from coast to coast and all raised a glass to honor a good life - well lived.

We love you Pop.

EASTERN TIME ZONE - SAVANNAH, GA

Ken & Cortney

CENTRAL TIME ZONE - CRYSTAL LAKE, IL



Me, Mom & Brian

Dad Reedy



MOUNTAIN TIME ZONE - TUBAC, AZ

[PHOTO TO COME]

PACIFIC TIME ZONE - SEATTLE, WA

Colin & Brenna

Snapshot

I was about to leave for work this week and I looked at the scene in my kitchen and thought I needed to take a mental snapshot.


Jeffries House 3/5/12

 I took an actual snapshot, too (Since I got my new awesome camera, it's never too far away).

The week of our wedding, I learned this trick to take mental snapshots. Everything was moving so quickly, I wanted to stop and remember it. All of these people Brian and I love in one spot - It would probably never happen again.

I looked at that kitchen and I saw the two most important people and the two most important fur-babies in my life. *click*

Things I will look back on in this picture:
1) Brian: His hair hasn't been cut since November (I think) and while he just woke up here, when he brushes it, I like how it looks. I know soon he will probably do his regular summer buzz cut and it will all be gone. He's making breakfast for Izzy and Eddie, the two most spoiled dogs in Illinois get rice and baby food warmed up and mixed in with their kibble. Brian probably also has some bacon fat in there for them too.

2) Mary: She sits in that high chair each morning and eats her frozen waffle while we get ready. She started eating them frozen when she was teething and hasn't stopped. I tried toasting one for her one time and she tossed it on the floor. She has her feet up on the underneath-part of her tray. I think it's so funny when she does this and leans back in her chair. She is wearing her fuzzy, footie PJs we got at Farm and Fleet. I think they were in the boy section, but they are still cute and she doesn't seem to mind. the knees are forever dirty from crawling everywhere. I'm sure within a few minutes of taking this picture, that bottle hit the floor and the dogs scattered. They are continually on the lookout for falling objects, the edible and the dangerous.

3) Izzy & Eddie: I realized they are now seven and eight years old and they are close to being senior citizen doggies. I think Izzy's hearing is going, she will bark at odd noises in the house because she thinks someone is at the door. Some day I will miss her one floppy ear and Eddie's missing ear.

4) The Flowers on the Counter: Brian and Mary bought those for me after I had a busy week. Mary likes to lean forward and scrunch her nose up and sniff them.

5) The Fold out Table in the Breakfast Room: I really want a little breakfast table where we can sit, eat and read the paper in our sunny little nook. It is coming soon, but in the meantime, we use the area for storage.

6) The kitchen itself: WHO puts carpet in a kitchen. Well, I suppose Miss Ellie McGough who lived and cooked there for 60 years before we did. Brian took all the hardware off the cabinets, so now you can see the layers of paint from years past. At one point the kitchen was all a blueish-greyish color, at another point it was all an orange-cantelope color. Most of these kitchen cabinets have been there since 1927, but their days are numbered, which makes me a little sad, but I know I will be happy to have a new kitchen someday. For now it works just fine.

7) At the top of the picture, you can see the tassle hanging down from the ceiling fan. Mary thinks it's hilarious when you hold her up there so she can tug on it.

For now, this is my little life, my little world that I love.

Passages

With Mary's first birthday, I have really stepped back to reflect. With the one-year milestone also comes my goal to breastfeed for a year (more to come on that in a future post). No more lugging my pump to the office, take breaks to go to the "mother's room", washing little pump-parts each night… and it hit me harder than I realized, I was kind of emotional about it all. (It has been a really hormonal year.) There is a strong connection when nursing that I have never experienced before and I am sad that that chapter of Mary and my relationship is ending.

When I expressed this to my sister, who nursed both of her girls, she replied, "Well it really is nice watching how my girls have grown to be so independent." What!? But this is my baby, I don't want her to grow up.

The same week a young friend of mine called me very upset because her long term boyfriend broke up with her. She is about the same age I was when my first boyfriend broke up with me. I dated this guy for 5 years and when he broke it off, I was so devastated, I was SURE at 20-years-old I would never love again.

Yes, we all know how dumb that sounds now, but at the time, I would hear of nothing else. (Thank you, God for unanswered prayers!)

I listened to my upset friend on the phone and I could hear my voice, the same things that I said 18 years ago. I wanted to cry for her, I understood how she hurt and it didn't make sense that this relationship was ending. At the same time, I wanted to shake her and tell her all of the amazing things that are out there in the world – Other men, and quite frankly, better men, smarter men who would appreciate what a catch she is. Or, better yet, be single (!) it’s really fun being an independent woman and doing things that only you want to do.

But I didn’t say these things, because I knew she didn’t want to hear them. I let her cry, I told her how he is making a mistake and will regret it. But when I hung up the phone, I realized I was excited for her, that she finally will get to move on and discover new things in the next chapter of her life.

Then it hit me how parallel the stories were. I suppose there is always someone out there who is the wiser on a topic that you are dealing with, but we rarely listen to them. We have to learn for ourselves.